The Secret Pain of Pastors
Peter Drucker, the late leadership guru, said that the four hardest jobs in America (and not necessarily in order, he added) are:
●The President of the United States
●A university president
●A CEO of a hospital and
●A pastor
Is that true? Pastors love God and love people. They get to pray for people, lead people to a faith in Jesus Christ, and teach the Word about God. That’s the dream job. You can read the Bible all day, pray, play a little golf and preach. I want to do that!
Here is the secret. Being a pastor is hard work. It’s not for wimps.
This is the reality—the job of a pastor can be 24/7 and carry unique challenges.
Some pastors wear themselves out trying to help people. Some wound their families because they are so involved in ministry. Others flourish in their ministry and personal life.
Approximately 85 percent of churches in America have less than 200 people. Sixty percent of churches are under 100 people. The average size congregation in the U.S. is 89 people, according to The Barna Group. Staffs are small, and needs are great. In many situations, the pastor needs to be a Bible teacher, accountant, strategist, visionary, computer tech, counselor, public speaker, worship director, prayer warrior, mentor, leadership trainer and fundraiser.
Who can be all of that?
- Ninety percent of pastors said the ministry was completely different than what theythought it would be like before they entered the ministry.
- Seventy percent say they have a lower self-image now than when they first started.
Personally, I love being a pastor. I have a great staff. We have great people in our church. I am content whether going through good times or difficult seasons. Of course, it’s a lot easier to be "content" when things are good. I have great friends who are pastors. My marriage is strong. I am a better man because of my time in ministry.
Some of the unique problems that pastors face are:
1. Criticism
Pastors can be criticized by a lot of people for a multitude of things.
“Music is too loud. Worship is not long enough. It’s too long.”
“Sermon is not deep enough. It’s too long.”
“Pastor thinks he’s too important. It took me three weeks to get an appointment.”
“You talk too much about money.”
“Can I talk to you for a minute, Pastor?” This simple question can cause a pastor to think: “Oy vey. Now what?”
We pastors need to find a way to not take criticism so personally and learn from truths that could be hidden in the criticism.
2. Rejection
Members leave, leaders leave and pastors’ friends leave. The reality is—people leave.
The smaller the church, the more obvious it is when people leave. Some leave for reasonable decisions; many leave ‘ungracefully.’ They leave the big churches, too—by the thousands.
People leave T.D. Jakes’ church, and they leave Andy Stanley’s church.
When our church had about 150 people and some would leave, it was so disappointing. I tried to console myself by thinking, “They may be leaving by the dozens here at Oasis, but thousands have left Jack Hayford’s church, and he’s a great pastor.” … That only helped for a minute.
“I’m leaving.”
“We want something deeper.”
“My needs aren’t getting met.”
These comments can feel like a personal rejection.
Every pastor has heard, “I’m not getting fed here.” Bill Hybels has heard it. Wayne Cordero, Dino Rizzo, Ed Young, Craig Groeschel, Steven Furtick and Matthew Barnett have heard it.
Really? Not getting fed? In those churches? How is that possible?
One of the most difficult conditions to achieve is to have a “tough skin and a soft heart.” Love people, hold them lightly and don’t take it personally.
“Uhhh, OK. Lord, help us.”
3. Betrayal
Trusting church members with personal burdens can backfire. They may end up telling the pastor's personal issues to others. Staff leaders can take church members away. The pastor trusts a person with the platform or title, and that person uses the influence given to them to take people away. The Judas kiss.
Church staff causing problems is a betrayal. Pastors rightfully think, “I’m paying you to solve problems. I can get new problems for free. I don’t need to pay someone a salary to create them.”
- Forty percent report a conflict with a church member at least once a month.
- Eighty five percent of pastors said their greatest problem is they are tired of dealing with problem people, such as disgruntled elders, deacons, worship leaders, worship teams, board members and associate pastors.
- The #1 reason pastors leave the ministry is that church people are not willing to go the same direction and goal of the pastor. Pastors believe God wants them to go in one direction, but the people are not willing to follow or change.
- Forty percent of pastors say they have considered leaving their pastorates in the last three months.
We pastors have to find a way, with God’s grace, to love people as if we have never been hurt before.
4. Loneliness
Who’s my friend? Who can I trust? If I tell another pastor my problems, will he criticize me, tell others or just treat me differently?
- Seventy percent do not have someone they consider a close friend.
Are my friends really my friends or a church member who is a temporary friend who may leave any day now?
Healthy friendships are crucial to a fulfilling life, especially to the wellbeing of a pastor. Put special effort in this area.
5. Weariness
Fifty percent of the ministers starting out will not last fiveyears.
Seventy percent felt God called them to pastoral ministry before their ministry began, but after three years of ministry, only 50 percent still felt called.
Keeping personally refreshed is an art and a science … and extremely important.
When fatigue comes in, you not only look half-empty, but also dirty, contaminated and undrinkable.
6. Frustrations & Disappointments
Disappointments come in many ways.
Because of smaller congregations, the average compensation package for pastors is between $35,000 and $40,000. There are many things pastors in this salary range are not able to do for their family that other people around them can do.
There are many areas of ministry in which judging "success" is difficult. Pastors can be hard on themselves. We work in an area that good work and good effort does not always guarantee success.
Many pastors work hard but are missing some kind of "X-factor." They are good people, sincere believers, love God, know the Word, have great content in their sermons, but somehow it’s not clicking. It’s frustrating.
It’s like a worship leader who loves Jesus and has a great singing voice but somehow cannot lead people in an effective worship experience.
Some days, leaders feel like they can’t seem to do anything right. The ministry finally gets momentum, and then a leader in the church falls. Things are going well, and then a couple of your biggest givers leave.
The church needs money, but the pastor doesn’t want to put too much focus on money. It’s not about the money—but it becomes about the money.
All of this can be overwhelming.
- 4,000 new churches begin each year and 7,000 churches close.
- Over 1,700 pastors left the ministry every month last year.
- Over 3,500 people a day left the church last year.
- Fifty percent of pastors feel so discouraged that they would leave the ministry ifthey could, but have no other way of making a living.
- 45.5 percent of pastors say that they've experienced depression or burnout to the extent that they needed to take a leave of absence from ministry.
This is not the case for all pastors. In fact, many that I know have managed to handle these issues well.
How Christians and church members can help:
Pray for your pastor.
Pray for guidance, protection, healthy friends, their marriage and family. Pray for inspiration, anointing, the leadership team, unity and clarity.
Protect your pastor.
As best as you can, don’t allow or participate in gossip and criticism. How can you serve and problem solve to prevent overload?
Encourage your pastor.
Thank him or her for his or her work and ministry. Thank them for their sacrifice. Tell them a specific time in which you or someone you know experienced a life change in their church. Honor them to others. Let your pastors know you are praying for them. According to the Barna report—the profession of “pastor” is near the bottom of a survey of the most-respected professions, just above “car salesman.”
To Pastors.
Don’t give up, pastor! Persistence is powerful.
Keep on. Really! Your work, your labor of love and your sacrifice matters.
I realize the last thing a pastor needs is another sermon. But these verses have helped me. Hold on to God’s Word with your life.
So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised. Hebrews 10:35-36 NLT
So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time, we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Gal. 6:9 NLT
Be careful of the comparison trap.
Looking at other ministries can be inspiring. Comparing yourself to other churches can be destructive and discouraging.
Make new pastor friends. Expose yourself to new influences, new leaders, churches or ministries that are doing some things differently.
Discover to some fresh views and ideas. Sometimes, it just takes one or two new ideas that can change momentum around.
Pastors that are struggling or are no longer in ministry may have unresolved hurts. I encourage you to find healing. Seek counseling; find a local Celebrate Recovery group; equip yourself with resources on healing (some examples are Safe People orBoundaries) and share your secrets with safe people. Remember, you're only as sick as your secrets.
*The Fuller Institute, George Barna and Pastoral Care Inc. provide the statistics I have used in this post.
作為牧師那不被人知的秘密
已過世的管理學大師彼得杜拉克(Peter Drucker)，曾經提到四個他認為美國最艱難的職業是(不照順序排列)：
1. 美國總統
2. 大學校長
3. 醫院的總執行長（CEO）
4. 牧師
這可能嗎？牧師是愛上帝、關愛人的。他們為人們禱告、帶領會眾相信主耶穌基督並教導他們上帝的話語。
這簡直是我們夢寐以求的工作；你可以整天研讀聖經、禱告、打打高爾夫球、然後講一篇道。這樣的工作，我也想幹。
但這裡有一個秘密：牧師是一項艱難的工作，缺乏自信和膽怯的人是不能勝任的。
實際的情況是這樣的–––牧師的工作是247的（廿四小時、七天的工作時間），他們隨時要面對各種特殊的挑戰。
有些牧師為了幫助他人而將自己累垮。有些牧師因為太過專注於教會事工而傷害了自己的家庭。更多的是在事奉和家庭兩者之間不斷地切換著。
在美國85%的教會，會眾人數不到200人。60%的教會，會眾人數不到100人，根據伯那集團The Barna Group（一個基督教事工顧問公司）的資料調查，美國教會的平均人數是89人。同工的人數很少，但是會眾的需要卻相當多。通常，一位牧師必須同時扮演下列角色：聖經教師、會計師、戰略策劃者，懷有異象的人，計算器工程技術員，心理輔導員，公眾演講者，崇拜指導，祈禱勇士，人生導師，領袖訓練者和募捐活動策劃人。
誰能身兼數職呢？
* 90％的牧師說，他們現在的工作與他們開始投入到事奉時所預期的截然不同。
* 70％說，他們的自我形象比剛開始事奉時降低了很多很多。
就我個人而言，我樂於成為一個牧師。
我有一個了不起的團隊。我們教會有很好的會眾。我很滿意我的教會現在的情況。不管是在困難或是順利的時候。當然，在一切順利的時候，往往是更容易“滿足”於現狀的。我有很好的牧師朋友。我的婚姻很美滿。我因我的事工而成為一個更好的人。
牧師們常要面對的一些獨特問題：
1、被批評
牧師可以被很多人，為了各種各樣、千奇百怪的原因而受到批評。
“崇拜時的音樂太大聲了。敬拜的時間不夠長。（或者）時間太長了。”
“講道不夠有深度。（或）講道的時間太長了。”
“牧師認為他太重要了，為了能夠約他談話，我得等三個星期。”
“你太多談到奉獻錢的問題了。”
“…牧師，我可以跟你談一分鐘嗎？”
這個簡單的問題可能會讓牧師有這樣的反應：“天啊。現在要怎樣面對？”
我們牧師需要找到一種方式，不將批評當做對個人的人身攻擊，並且從各種的批判中發現那些隱藏的真理。
2、被拒絕
教會成員會退出教會，同工和領袖會退出，甚至牧師的朋友也會離開。實際的情形是–––總會有人離開教會。
對於小教會而言，有人退出會更加的明顯。有些會眾離開教會，是基於合理的決定，但更多的離開卻是非常“無情而殘忍”的。在大的教會裡面也會有人退出，甚至會是成千上萬的人退出。
有會眾從TD傑克斯（TD Jakes）的教會退出，也有人從安迪斯丹利（Andy Stanley）的教堂離開。（他們都是有名的牧師）
當我們的教會發展到大約150人時，有一些會員選擇離開–––這實在是令我灰心喪氣。我會極力用這樣的想法來安慰自己：“這裡可能只有十幾個人離去，但在傑克•海福德（Jack Hayford）的教會卻會有成千的會眾已經離開了。而海福德牧師是一為著名的牧師。” 可是這種想法僅能帶來一分鐘的安慰。
“我要離開了。”
“我們需要的是更深層的東西。”
“我的屬靈需求沒有在你這裡得到滿足。”
這些話聽起來好象是對（牧師）個人的否定和拒絕。 每位牧師都聽過類似的話，“我在這裡得不到屬靈的餵養。”比爾.海貝爾思（Bill Hybels）曾經聽到過。韋恩•科爾德羅（Wayne Cordero），迪諾.瑞佐（Dino Rizzo），埃德.楊（Ed Young），克雷格.格勒舍爾（Craig Groeschel），史蒂芬.佛提克（Steven Furtick）和馬修•巴尼特（Matthew Barnett）都聽到過這樣的話。（他們都是當今美國非常著名的牧者）
是真的嗎？沒有得到餵養？在那些超有名牧師的教會？這怎麼可能呢？
（對於牧師而言），諸多難以實現的目標之一，就是要兼具 “不畏挫折的外表和柔軟的內心”。一方面要愛每一位會友，一方面又要避免過於在乎來自他們的批評指責。 “……哦，好吧。求主來幫助我們。”
3、背叛
（牧師們）過於相信教會的成員，與他們分享了太多私人的話題，結果可能會適得其反。他們可能會把牧師的個人問題向其他人傳講（甚至加上很多佐料）。牧師特別信任的同工和領袖可能反而會帶著教會成員離開教會。那些有屬靈恩賜、牧師信任或重用的人，會利用他們在教會的影響力，使其他會眾離開教會。那“猶大之吻”。
教會的同工製造麻煩自然成為一種的背叛。牧師們會理所當然地認為，“我支付你薪水，是要你來幫助解決問題的。但你卻免費地帶給我更多的新問題。我並不需要支付一個人的工資，來製造更多的麻煩。”
• 40％的牧者表示，與教會其他的成員每月至少有一次衝突。
• 85％的牧師說，他們最大的問題是，他們已經疲於面對製造問題的“問題人物”，如：心懷不滿的長老，執事，詩班崇拜領袖，詩班成員，董事會成員，或是助理副牧師。
使牧師放棄牧會之職的第一原因是：教會的會眾不認同牧師所定下方向和目標。牧師們相信上帝要引導會眾走向一個同共的目標，但是會眾卻不肯跟從牧師的異象，更不願意進行任何的調整和改變。
• 40％的牧師承認，在過去三個月裡，他們曾經考慮過放棄他們的事奉工作。
我們身為牧師必須找到一種方法，用神的恩典去愛我們的會眾，彷佛我們從來沒有被人傷害過。
4、寂寞
誰是我的朋友？我能相信誰呢？身為牧師，如果我告訴另一個牧師我的問題，他會不會批評我，或把我的情況告訴別人，或者從此開始用不同的方式對待我。
• 70％（的牧師）沒有一個他們認為是親密的朋友。
我的朋友真的是我的朋友嗎？或者他只是一名教會的成員，只是一個臨時的朋友，他隨時都有可能離開（背叛）？
而健康的友誼是一個充實生活的關鍵，尤其是對於一個穩定的牧師而言。所以我們要在這方面特別努力。
5. 疲憊
• 50％的傳道人，事奉不會超過5年。
• 70％的牧師在他們的事工開始之前感覺到神對他的呼召和使命，但三年後，只有50％仍然還能感到神的呼召。
保持鬥志，是一門藝術和科學……也是極其重要的。
當陷入疲勞狀態時 - 信念可以瓦解。疲憊的情緒可以改變我們對於周遭一切的認知。缺乏適時的休息，不但會使我們對於一杯半滿的水 - 不僅看成半空的，而且會覺得它骯髒，污染和無法飲用。
6. 挫折與失望 - 失望會以各種方式襲來。
因為在較小的教會，牧師的平均年薪是在$ 35,000 - $ 40,000之間。所以在這種工資水準的牧師們，有很多東西是無法為他們的家人提供的，但是他們身邊的人卻是可以的。
而在事奉的諸多領域裡，很難判斷其是否“成功”。牧師可以把自己弄得很辛苦。在牧師的工作生涯裡，辛勤的工作和努力並不一定會得到成功的保證。
許多牧師相當努力，但可能是缺少了某種臨門一腳的“未知因素”。他們都是善良的人，虔誠的信徒，他們愛上帝，明白神的話語，他們的證道強而有力。但不知何故，這些正面的因素，就是無法達到有效的結果。這真是令人沮喪。
這就好像一個詩班的領導人，非常愛耶穌，也有美好的歌聲，但不知何故，就是不能產生那種感動會眾的崇拜經驗。
有些日子裡，教會領導人感覺他們似乎無法把任何事情做好。當教會的事工似乎有所進展，然後一個教會的領導者往往又會因為某些原因而跌倒。往往在一切都很順利時，那位最支持你的夫婦卻選擇離開你的教會。
教會需要錢，但牧師也不希望把太多重點放在錢這方面，這並不是錢的問題 - 但這樣的做法，確反而讓它成為錢的問題。
所有的這一切，都讓人無法招架
• 每年有4000間新教會建立，同時也有將近7000間教會關閉。
• 去年每個月有1700多位的牧師放棄了他們的事奉。
• 去年每天超過3500人離開教堂。
• 50％的牧師感到氣餒，如果他們可以的話，他們想要離開事奉的工作，但確有沒有其他謀生方式。
• 45.5％的牧師說，他們已經有憂鬱症或職業倦怠的情形，他們需要請假或是暫時性的休息。
這並不是所有牧師都是如此，事實上，很多我認識的牧師，他們都已經成功的處理這些問題。
基督徒和教會的成員，要如何適時的提供幫助？
• 為你的牧師禱告
為神的導引、保護、健全的友情、為他們的婚姻和家庭禱告。 祈求聖靈的感動、恩膏，降臨到全會眾。也為事工的領導團隊禱告，使他們團結並保持清新。
• 保護你的牧師
你可以盡你所能的不去參與無謂的閒話和批評論斷。 想想你要怎麼去減輕你的牧師的負擔？
• 鼓勵你的牧師
為了他的工作和事奉而獻上感謝。感謝他們為了聖工所做的犧牲。
告訴他們在某個特定的時間，你或你認識的人，在你的教會裡經歷了人生的改變。 向別人讚賞你的牧師。讓你的牧師知道你在為他禱告。
據巴爾納集團的調查 - “牧師”這個職業，是在眾多最受人尊敬的職業之中，幾乎是敬陪末坐的，只比“汽車銷售員”好一點點。
致所有的牧師：
不要放棄，牧師們！
堅持不懈具有偉大力量。 繼續下去。真的！你的付出、你的愛心、你的勞苦和犧牲總是值得的。
我也非常清楚，一個牧師實在不需要另一篇壟長的說教，但這些經文使我受益良多。一定要把神的話語，謹記在心。
“所以，你們不可丟棄坦然無懼的心，這樣的心是帶有大賞賜的。 你們還需要忍耐，好使你們行完了 神的旨意，就可以領受所應許的。”希伯來書10:35-36
“我們行善，不要覺得厭煩；如果不鬆懈，到了適當的時候，就有收成。”加拉太書6:9
小心，不要陷入攀比的陷阱：
觀模其他教會的事工，可以鼓舞人心。但若是拿與自己比較，這種與其他教會的攀比反而會帶來更大的破壞性，並且是令人沮喪的。
去結識新的牧師朋友。讓自己去體驗新的影響力，新的領導人，或去瞭解那些正在嘗試不同方式的教會，以及各種不同的事工。
探索一些新的意見和想法。有些時候，往往只是需要一個或兩個新的想法，便可以扭轉情勢。
在瀕臨絕境掙扎中、或者那些已經離開事工的牧師們，他們可能會有一些尚未癒合的創傷。我鼓勵你去尋求醫治。尋求輔導；裝備自己全愈的資源與書籍。向“安全的人”分享你的秘密。要記得，你埋藏在心裡的秘密，是會讓你生病的。
牧師們 - 我愛你們！用您的名字，在這裡發表你的心聲，我會為你祈禱。
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